»Lines you'll never hear in The Matrix«

Deus Ex Machina: And if you fail
Neo: Then we're all a bit screwed aren't we mr. babyface? Eh?


Smith: Mr Anderson, glad you could join us. Because of all these huge drops of rain everywhere we decided to have a massive foam party!


Morpheus: After all that has happened how can I believe you?
Oracle: I'm surprised you've believed me this long. If I was really helping you, don't you think I'd have answered some questions properly by now?


The Architect: I'm trying to put on a "British bad guy" voice. It's pathetic isn't it? Americans can't do British bad guy voices. I told the programs at the source to give me a proper British accent, but they just didn't listen did they? So here we are,(thinks of long word) ...irrevocably.


*I know this next one isn't original, but I like it anyway*

Neo: Are you saying I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No Neo. I'm saying when you are ready, you won't have to.
Neo: Yeah, but i'll be able to right?
Morpheus: No, you won't have to.
Neo: But that doesn't make any sense.

(Zion: a 24hour pie eating contest is about to begin)
Zee: You scared, Charra?
Charra: Shit, yeah. But I'll make you a deal, though... You keep loadin', I keep shitin'.
Zee: Deal.

[M3-Oracle's apartment]
Neo: what's up with smith?
Oracle: he is your opposite, your negative...
Neo: then shouldn't he be a woman? like in Tru Calling?
Oracle: of course not, Neo. you're the woman...

Time for another harry potter parody

[M2-La Vrai]
merovingian: I would like you to meet my faitful handymen: #1 and #2
Twin: he's not #2! I am!
Another Twin: seriously mate, you call yourself an information program?
merovingian: sorry #1 and #2
Twin: I'm only joking! I am #1!

I don't know if this is the right place for some of these but here we go

M1:Subway
Neo: You're empty...
Smith: So are you...
Neo: I think you're bluffing...
Smith: I think you're bluffing...
Neo: Oh that's really mature saying exactly what I say.
Smith: Oh that's really mature saying exactly what I say.

M2: Freeway
Trinity to Keymaker: I thought you had the keys to the motorcycle...

M1: Agent Training Program
Neo: What're you saying? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheous: No.

M1: Construct
Neo: Guns... lots of guns....
(guns appear)
Neo: Not this many Tank....

(The part where the machines are entering the lower part of Zion when Neo is making the deal with the Deus ex Machina)
Morpheus: No! They're going to destroy my limited edition collection of works by Jean Paul Sartre!

Neo: The Matrix is being turned into a reality TV simulation! What do we do?

Merovingian: This is my wife Persephone. I hope Bush doesn't ban marriage to programs.

AGENT BROWN: (singing) Her name is Rio and she da~nces on the sa~nd...

---

MORPHEUS: Apoc, are we online?

APOC: Not yet.

(the MODEM screeches and buzzes)

SWITCH: Told you we should have gotten DSL

MORPHEUS: Shut up.

---

SERAPH: Seek the Oracle, you do. Take you to her, I can.

Bolt wrote:

M2: Freeway Trinity to Keymaker: I thought you had the keys to the motorcycle...

Me too...

M2: freeway
Keymaker gives the keys to Trinity
Trinity: you are helpful
Keymaker (thinking): "She likes me..."

Architect (singing): We built this city! we built this city on rock and roll!

Twin #1 (singing): The blackness would hit me...
Twin #2 (singing): And the void will be calling...
Twins and all the vampires (singing): Lets do the Time Warp again!

MesoMorph wrote:

Twin #1 (singing): The blackness would hit me... Twin #2 (singing): And the void will be calling... Twins and all the vampires (singing): Lets do the Time Warp again!

MesoMorph, marry me. ^_^

----

ZIONITES: (dancing during the rave) Take me down to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty!

---

JONES: (singing) Jenny, I've got your number/ I need to make you mine/ Jenny don't change your number/ 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309 867-5309...

---

TRINITY: Ah, monsieur le Merovingian! Make sweet, sweet love to me now!

---

MEROVINGIAN: Hey, sweet thang.

---

(TWIN TWO rams the SUV into TRINITY'S car)

TRINITY: (sticks her head out the window) Hey, man, what 'choo all up in my grill for?

Spoon boy: Try you do not. Do - or do not. There is no try.

---

Oracle: ... can I go fifty-fifty on this one?

At the end of the Original Matrix:

Morpheus: (reaction to Smith killing Neo) It can't be...

Smith: Goodbye Mr. Anderson.

Morpheus: Tank, blow the E.M.P.

I'm surprised someone hasn't made a parody of the matrix trilogy yet. All you would need for the whole thing is in this forum.

(Scene in M1 where Neo gets in the back seat of the car with Trin and the other two are up front, stopped on the bridge)....

Trinity: Pull down your pants

Neo: HOLY SHIT THAT THINGS REAL?

Archangel wrote:

MesoMorph, marry me. ^_^ ---- ZIONITES: (dancing during the rave) Take me down to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty!

ArchAngel, Carry my blonde babies! ^_^

----

[M2]
Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent...
Neo: Now I remember you! you were my math teacher!
Architect: Yes I was. you see Neo, i've been watching you your whole life...
TV Neos: What are you? some kind of pedophile? Oh My God! you we're my Priest too?
Architect: Precisely, As you are undoubtedly gathering. but there is also one last form I took
Neo: I know, don't tell me. I only have one thing to say about that...
(Neo sits on the architect's lap)
Neo: I want a new X-Box and Halo2 for christmes... another pair of sunglasses...10 new seasons of the gilmore girls...

Quote:

I'm surprised someone hasn't made a parody of the matrix trilogy yet. All you would need for the whole

I'm two steps ahead of you.
I'm preaparing an ultimate parody and gather ideas from the forum.

phantomprowler wrote:

I'm surprised someone hasn't made a parody of the matrix trilogy yet.

There's a book (in the UK at least) called 'the Matwix' about the hero Newo and his rather nasty speech impediment...


No offence meant.

(The part in M2 where they meet the Merovingian)
Morpheus: Jean Paul Sartre was a much cooler French man than you.
Neo: You really need to stop going on about existentialism so much.
Trinity: He's right. I like authenticity as much as anyone, but it really is getting old.

Smith: If elected, I will legalize program marriage and cut back on the bloated military budget. You will see leaner, meaner, more hentai-like sentinels.

Mouse: And another thing, why does everyone speak English in Zion? Aren't there any Spanish speaking people in the Matrix who need to be unplugged? What about speakers of Japanese or Arabic or Cherokee?

Merovingian: I've decided to become an existentialist.
Morpheus: Welcome to the club, my authentic brother. We will conquer bad faith and existential angst together!

Neo: You pervert, architect! I bet you spend all day looking at little girls with your multiple TVs.
Architect: From a paraquasimetroacademic standpoint, your statement is anexopsychomechanically antipostcontercurrentistical in a nonpostendoexistentially pseudoantimetasubtetranaphasoparaprotohyperneoexodeterminotheticopneumonmicroscopicsilicovolcanioticalistic sense. In other words, yes.

What are people's favourite ones from this thread so far? This one is my fave:

K_x_uksami wrote:

Merovingian: There is only one constant in the universe, causality. Morpheus: Hey, you like philosophy, too? Merovingian: Definitely. It's my passion. I spend most of my free time philosophizing. Morpheus: So what do you think about Plato? Merovingian: He was ok, but I think Kant and Berkeley totally pwn him. Morpheus: I suppose. I think the Forms were a bit nutty. Merovingian: Yes, definitely. Morpheus: I have to disagree with determinism. Merovingian: Why? I think it's great. Morpheus: Everything begins with a choice. Merovingian: Get with the times. Libertarianism is so five minutes ago. Morpheus: It is not! Libertarianism pwns determinism! Merovingian: There's no room in the laws of physics for your precious choice. Morpheus: That assumes a materialistic universe. The Matrix certainly isn't material. Merovingian: Oh please, that is such a simplistic rebuttal. The Matrix-- Neo: What the hell does this have to do with anything?

Morpheus: Why did the–
Neo: Chicken cross the road: because of bad faith. You've said this one a million times.

Smith: I'll have a happymeal, please.

Architect: Like my Unabomber poster, Neo?

Trinity: Wow, I really do have three nipples.

Morpheus: And that is why you should say off drugs.

In the Matrix construct right befor neo and trinity go get morpheus

Neo: we need gum lots and lots of gum

Trinity: uh neo dont you mean guns?

Neo: yah what did i say

Trinity: you said gum

Neo: LOL

Trinity: OTFLMAO

Neo: WTF?

Trinity: oh that means on the floor laughing my ass off

Neo: oh, so what were we doing again?

Knox makes some really super funny stuff...he has dubbed M1, M2, and I think he has M3 but he hasn't dubbed it yet...

Neo: Got to catch them all! Sentinels!

Morpheus: Neo, your trenchcoat is so 5 minutes ago. I suggest something more stylish.

Cypher: I hate John Walker! I don't want to end up like him.

Switch: Is it just me, or have I received no character development or done anything truly important in the entire film?
Apoc: You think you have it bad, I bet no one even remembers my name.

Oracle: Hmm, clouded, your future is. The dark side, I sense in you.

[End of M3]
Kid: Zion! the war is over!
Zion: Yeeaaahh!...no wait...who won?
Kid: We did!
Zion: Yeeaaahh!...no more machines!
Kid: no! the machines still exist!
Zion: Ahh! we are all going to die!
Kid: oh gevald...

[highway scene in M2]
[morpheus is about to throw the keymaker over to the truck]
Morpheus (on the cellphone): Link. download me "cheerleading for dummies"

[end of Super Brawl]
Smith: Why mr. anderson? why get up? (that speech again about love and freedom, delusion mr. anderson) why do you persist?
Neo: because I choose to.
Smith: why god? why? why every comic book movie is about frickin' choice?

[M3, Neo and bane fight]
[bane picks up a phoenix and shoves his beak in Neo's eyes]
Neo: aaggghhh! first james bond now this? Smith you are so gay!
Bane: I am not!
Neo: then what's with the pheonix in the eyes, huh?
Bane: I don't know!...there was a pheonix lying over there, it seemed like a good idea.
Neo: "well you may have blinded me, BUT I CAN STILL SMELL YOU!" *laughs*
Bane: that is so not funny
Neo: shut up you "philosopher Stoner"!

And so... this thread dies .

Morpheus:"Remember Neo, you shake it more than twice, your playing with it."

Neo:"No I can't do that, I won't..."

Neo: I can feel them
Archtiect: woah ur gd

(Neo and Trinity just exit the elevator and see lots of people waiting for Neo)

Neo:"No, wait."
Trinity:"Its ok, they need you."
Neo:"I need you."
Trinity:"I know..."
Neo:"Come on, can we have a quicky?"

(Twins speaking to each other in car chase)

Twin 1:We are getting aggrevated
Twin 2:Yes we are
Twin 1:We are getting Horney
Twin 2:Yes we are...i mean no...i mean
(Twin 2 dissloves out of car)


(When mouse tells everyone Neos fighting morph)

Mouse: Quick, Neos fighting morpheus
Trinity runs over the table and trips
Trinity: Oh shit