Somewhat experienced poster
Posts: 18
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Matrix Rewrite
Movie opens with digits flying up and down the screen and two people talking in the background.
Cypher: You’re wearing that tight leather aren’t you?
Trinity: What?
Cypher: Um, I meant, how’s that… night weather… you?
Trinity: Cypher, shut up, we need to find Neo.
Dial tones are heard.
Cypher: (Yells almost inaudibly.) Mouse, I’m using the phone!
Mouse: Oh, sorry guys.
Scene cuts to police surrounding building and the Agents arriving.
Police Lieutenant: Hey, hey, who the hell are you guys?
Smith: Agents.
Police Lieutenant: Of what? Let me see some ID.
Smith: Can’t you tell by our suits we’re important?
Police Lieutenant: … right. So, why are you here?
Smith: The girl is an international cyber terrorist.
Police Lieutenant: What girl? We’re surrounding the building because a cleverly named villain is tormenting the citizens.
Smith: Wait… what?
Police Lieutenants: Ya, we’re just kinda standing around ‘cause Spider-man and him are fighting up there.
Smith looks up and sees Spider-man fighting with Doctor Octopus.
Smith: Johnson, I thought you said this was the building.
Johnson: It is. Apparently Spider-man tends to fight the villain in places where main characters tend to be… and I’m pretty sure you’re a main character in this movie.
Smith: So how do we get Trinity while they’re up there fighting?
Johnson: Hmm…
Spider-man and Doctor Octopus are fighting. Suddenly Spider-man is convulsing, as is Doctor Octopus. Spider-man takes off his mask and is Agent Johnson. Doctor Octopus turns into Agent Smith.
Johnson: (shoots web from his hands) Cooool. I can shoot webs and stick to the wall.
Smith: Damn, he beat me to it. I wanted to be Spider-man. Ahh, what the hell are these? (realizes he has robotic arms on his back)
Scene cuts to Trinity on the computer. She is hacking while her AIM is on. The sounds of Instant Messages coming in can be heard.
303Trinity303: Neo, wake up.
Auto Response from 101Neo101: sleeping dont bother me
Trinity: Dammit, Neo.
Police bust into the room and try to arrest her. She does a lot of cool martial arts to fight them off. After, they’re all dead.
Audience: Hey, she killed cops. Is she bad? Wait no, she’s on the cover. Ooh, they must be bad cops. Wait a minute, those special effects are… damn.
Smith busts through the wall with his robotic arms. Johnson swings into the room.
Smith: Ah, Trinity, like our new tricks?
Trinity runs from Smith and Johnson. The chase ensues through the rooftops with Smith bounding down after Trinity and Johnson swinging through the streets.
Green Goblin: Spider-man!
Johnson: Huh?
Green Goblin: Remember me, your good friend Harry? You killed my father, now its time for you to die!
Johnson: Wait, I’m not…
Green Goblin throws a grenade at Johnson, and instinctively he shoots it with a gun and it explodes in his face.
Smith: There’s something you don’t see everyday… then again… (Watches Trinity get away) oh, crap, stop!
Trinity arrives at a phone booth as Smith takes over the body of a truckdriver and tries to run over the phonebooth.
Smith: (Holds his earpiece) Are you sure? I could just shoot her now. Fine, I’ll drive the truck into her… Dramatic freaks… Oh, no, no, Mr. Wachowski, I meant dogmatic geek… I mean…
Trinity arrives at the phonebooth, but a man is inside.
Trinity: I need that phone! Get out!
Colin Farrel: I can’t, there’s a sniper out there. He’ll shoot me if I get out of this phonebooth.
Trinity pulls him out of the phonebooth, and a sniper laser appears on his chest.
Colin Farrel: NO! (Gets shot several times)
Trinity: Oops.
Trinity answers the phone and exits from the Matrix just as Smith’s truck smashes into the booth.
Scene cuts to Neo sleeping on his desk with earphones on. He wakes up and takes his earphones off. Inaudible Backstreet Boys music can be heard.
Neo: Whoa.
97 IMs from Trinity are on Neo’s screen. His doorbell rings. Harold and Kumar, two people who live down the hall from Neo, are at the door.
Harold: Hey, I need my Counter-Strike game back. You’ve had it for like, a week. Do you have it?
Neo: No.
Harold: Wait, its right there. (Points to game on table inside)
Neo: Whoa.
Kumar: Anyway, we’re going out to get some White Castle.
Neo remembers that Trinity kept telling him to follow the White Castle.
Neo: Whoa.
Harold, Kumar, and Neo arrive at White Castle after an insane adventure that basically took all night. They eat together.
Neo: Why do I have a feeling I’ve done something like this before?
A phonebooth suddenly shows up in the White Castle and Bill and Ted walk out and order some food. They go back into the phonebooth and disappear.
Neo: Whoa.
Trinity shows up at the White Castle and talks to Neo as he waits on line for more food.
Trinity: I’ve been waiting for you Neo.
Neo: You’re Trinity? I thought you were a man.
Trinity: Most people do. Its probably the haircut and the manly face.
Neo: No, I mean from your screen name and reputation, I thought you would be a man.
Trinity: Oh…
Screen cuts to Neo showing up for work late the next day at Chuckie Cheese’s.
Mr. Cheese: I’m running a tight business. You can’t stay up all night playing Counter-Strike and Starcraft and show up the next day at work late?
Neo: I’m sorry, Mr. Cheese.
Mr. Cheese: Sorry doesn’t cut it. Do you know how many kids parties we have here everyday? What, do you think you can just bend the rules or something?
Audience members who have seen this movie before: (chuckle)
Audience members who haven’t seen this movie before: What?
Audience members who have seen this movie before: Oh… nothing.
Neo sits at the top of the Plastic Playland and makes sure kids don’t drown in the sea of plastic balls. He receives an envelope with a cell phone inside.
Morpheus: Hello?
Neo: Hello? Who is this?
Morpheus: Th… Phe…
Neo: Hello? Sorry, there’s no signal, what?
Morpheus: Can you hear me now?
Neo: Yeah.
Morpheus: Good. Get out. Guys in business suits are coming to get you.
Neo: What do they want?
Morpheus: To kill you?
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: Just trust me.
Neo: Why, I don’t even know who you are.
Morpheus: (sigh) JUST DO IT!
To Be Continued...
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