»CaptPostMod's Matrix 4«

So here's my Matrix 4. You can download it at-

trueredpill.googlepages.com...

My M4 is a full size script, so I doubt too many will actually read it. It starts off a little slow after the main big fight (like M1) but ramps back up as you keep reading (so keep reading, skip thirty pages or so in if you find the beginning too dull).

If you do read it, thanks, and let me know what you think

How long did that take you? I dont mean that in the bad way because am looking forword to reading it

Deeindamatrix wrote:

How long did that take you? I dont mean that in the bad way because am looking forword to reading it

Glad to hear you're looking forward to reading it

It took me a couple months. I have a background in writing and publishing and try to write 7 pages of something for fun four days a week. This Matrix 4 script was my latest project.

Hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading

One of the top 5 fan fics I've ever read. However, it would be nice if Ava's true self was left as a suprise until the end. Same with Virgil, the last name was a dead give away. Also, unless you're planning a follow-up, the ending needs more substance. I felt I was left hanging.

On the plus side, I really liked the way you treated Virgil, he wasn't lame like the Kid of the movies, but not too much like Morpheus. He was believable, considering his origins. The other characters were all fleshed out well and fit well. The story was also refreshing, it isn't just a rip-off of the movie plots. It is original and stands by itself.

All in all, it's a little rough, but it's an excellent first draft.

STR wrote:

One of the top 5 fan fics I've ever read.

Thanks!

STR wrote:

However, it would be nice if Ava's true self was left as a suprise until the end.

I'll think about that. I wanted to mirror M1's plot structure. Basic three act with an establishing first act ending in a big reveal, exposition based second act setting up a big action sequence, and an action packed rollercoaster third act. So what would be my big end of first act reveal? Is Ava's red pill experience enough on its own without explination to count as a big end of first act moment?

STR wrote:

Same with Virgil, the last name was a dead give away.

Yeah, I should know my audience. In my head, I wrote this as though it would actually be the M4 in theaters. So Virgil's last name would be a tip off to those of us on these boards, but casual Matrix watchers wouldn't pick up on it. Maybe I should just ditch the last name?

STR wrote:

Also, unless you're planning a follow-up, the ending needs more substance. I felt I was left hanging.

Oh yeah, that part was definitely intentional. This is the first in a trilogy of sequels in my head. Think about the subtitle of my script, and then where they are in the end. You could probably guess what the two sequels would then be about. (Hint: the name Virgil is a dead give away).

STR wrote:

On the plus side, I really liked the way you treated Virgil, he wasn't lame like the Kid of the movies, but not too much like Morpheus. He was believable, considering his origins. The other characters were all fleshed out well and fit well. The story was also refreshing, it isn't just a rip-off of the movie plots. It is original and stands by itself.

Again, thanks!

STR wrote:

All in all, it's a little rough, but it's an excellent first draft.

Yeah, I haven't had a lot of time for editing, and no one I know likes the Matrix. So it's hard to workshop and straighten it up. But maybe if a few more posters read it and give me some ideas I'll repost a newer draft.

Thanks so much for reading (and so quickly). It's really appreciated!

CaptPostMod wrote:

I'll think about that. I wanted to mirror M1's plot structure. Basic three act with an establishing first act ending in a big reveal, exposition based second act setting up a big action sequence, and an action packed rollercoaster third act. So what would be my big end of first act reveal? Is Ava's red pill experience enough on its own without explination to count as a big end of first act moment?

I see, but that only works in M1 because of the prophecy, and more importantly, because the audience isn't entirely sure he is the one until he does the famous bullet-dodge. Prior to that you have several characters doubting Neo including the Oricle, who seemed to be the expert on the subject (again from the POV of the audience) who stated that Neo was not the One.

So basically, if you really like the existing structure, you can keep it and it can still work. You just have to throw a few more curves into it.

Thanks for the advice.

Hey, no one's posted back on my Matrix 4 in awhile, so I thought I'd bring the thread back up. It's been downloaded from here 12 times, so any of you 12 have a chance to read it yet? I'd love some feedback

Up to 17 downloads from Matrix-Explained! Thanks for checking it out!

dam it i know i wanted to do something ill make sure i have read it by monday

21 downloads from Matrix-Explained.com! Deeindamatrix, did you get a chance to check it out yet?

not finished yet but am liking what ive read

Just in case, I uploaded a Rich Text version of my M4 as well, so you don't have to have a Word compatible program to view it. Just anything that can read text

Sorry, when I updated this last time the RTF link didn't show up on the savefile.com page. It's there now though for anyone who wants a non-Doc version. (There have been 37 downloads from Matrix-Explained.com so far of the Doc copy).

Just wanted to pull my M4 up again. Anyone had a chance to check it out recently? I'd love some more comments on it beyond STR's (even if you think it sucks).

Ill hold my hands up i havent finished, but i like it so far

Deeindamatrix wrote:

Ill hold my hands up i havent finished, but i like it so far

Thanks

How far have you gotten? Any suggestions so far?

dont make it so bloody long! only joking, not far i forgot alot so i am rereading im about 1/4 in

Deeindamatrix wrote:

dont make it so bloody long!

!

Thought I'd give my M4 the old bump up the threads. Anybody checked it out in a while? I'm thinking of working on another Matrix project soon. Not an M5, but something really different (and hopefully fun)!

I read it the day that you posted it, months before but at that time I wasn't posting anything, I was reading many many threads per day to keep up with with you people!

I liked it!

Quotes from the movie Stealth (2005)

Lt. Henry Purcell: Three is a prime number. The Holy Trinity, three musketeers.
Lt. Kara Wade: Three dimension.
Lt. Ben Gannon: Menage a trois, don't forget that one.

th3 p4th wrote:

I liked it!

Thanks

DaVinci wrote:

Quotes from the movie Stealth (2005) Lt. Henry Purcell: Three is a prime number. The Holy Trinity, three musketeers. Lt. Kara Wade: Three dimension. Lt. Ben Gannon: Menage a trois, don't forget that one.

Thx.

CaptPostMod wrote:

STR wrote: Also, unless you're planning a follow-up, the ending needs more substance. I felt I was left hanging. Oh yeah, that part was definitely intentional. This is the first in a trilogy of sequels in my head. Think about the subtitle of my script, and then where they are in the end. You could probably guess what the two sequels would then be about. (Hint: the name Virgil is a dead give away).

So, have you started working on 5 & 6?