[Matrix 1]
Cypher: "I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss."
 

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»Humorous lines«


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Matrix Chit Chat & Fun

 

DeAdLy_cOoKiE ™

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TripleOne
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The Matrix - Imagination is more important than knowledge
--------------------------------------------------------


(Neo's room - Adam's first sin - Intelligent Design)
Computer Screen: Wake up Neo... The Matrix has you...
Neo: WTF?
Computer Screen: Mindboggling isn't it? Smile


(Morpheus Place)
Morpheus: You are The One, Neo.
Neo: That is a rather bold claim.

Morpheus: How would you define...?
Neo: Get yourself a dictionary.

Neo: Do you usually make this little sense?
Morpheus: I can check-mate you in senseless wander.


(Construct - TwinView ™)
Morpheus: Television, the drug of a nation.
Neo: Sounds very relaxing.

Neo: So, what is up your ass?
Morpheus: A battery is up my ass. But what's up yours?

Neo: Are you sure?
Morpheus: I'm positive.

Neo: A.I.? You mean artificial intelligence?
Morpheus: We are artificial inseminated, Neo.

Neo: Oh, log off.


(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: Did you like the woman in the red dress?
Neo: She was dead sexy.


(Mobil Ave - Time Will Tell - Hell - Limbo - Suitcase - Visions of Daniel)
Neo: Are you a robot?
Rama-Kandra: I prefer to be called Artificial Person myself.
Neo: I'm glad you know that's the case.

Trainman: A loop is a loop is a loop...


(Machine City - Machine Language - Body language - Heaven - Bereshit - Flood - Euphrates - Cyrus - Source Code - King of North - Event Horizon - Golgotha - Home - Manna - Stout Horn - Word of God - Mary resting in heaven (ladybug) - Beast from Abyss - Dragon - Adaptor - Papacy - 10 Commandments - Ark of Covenant - Yaw - Job - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God - Eye of Providence - Ex Nihilo - Integer - False Prophet - Snake - Trinity - Gap Theory - Seal of God - Singularity - Double Slit Experiment - NDA - Blood of Christ - Dead Sea Scrolls - Polymath - Contradiction - Deductive Reasoning - Passover - 4th Commandment - Tetragrammaton - It is done - Space-time continuum - Revelations)
Deus Ex Machina: Greetings, artificial unintelligent one.
Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?
Neo: Sex.
Deus Ex Machina: To what server?

Neo: Core dumped, please bugger off.

Deus Ex Machina: Syntax error in line 10, redo from start.


(01 - The word became flesh - Big Bang - Crater - Throws truth to the ground - Abomination of Desolation - Woman riding the beast holding cup of Christ - Armageddon - Parallel Universe - Theory of Everything - Mind - Transcendence - Existentialism - Evolution)
Smith: What's the point in arguing when you're all alone?
Neo: I have the intention to discuss.

Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why?
Neo: Does there have to be a reason?

Smith: Everything that has a beginning has an end, Neo.
Neo: Everything right is wrong again, just like in the terminal idiom you expressed.

Smith: What did I just say?
Neo: A lot of crap.

Smith: That's not fair.
Neo: You're not a computer.


(Garden of Eden - Bench Mark - Mercy seat - Sabbath - Y-chromosomal Adam - Pandora's Box - Name of God - Image of the Beast - Reincarnation - Rebirth - Tree of life - God seperated the seas from the seas - Genesis)
Oracle: Everybody dies sad and frustrated. And that is beautiful.
Seraph: How did you know?
Oracle: Oh, that is because I'm a genius.

Architect: Ergo, you've played a very dangerous game.
Oracle: Knowledge is power.

Oracle: Do I have your word?
Architect: At least you and I have one thing in common. We're both human.


(Interrogation Room)
Smith: I read your daily log.
Neo: I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.

Smith: A poor man once told me he can't afford to speak.
Neo: ...
Smith: You're a man of few words.


(Burly Brawl)
Neo: Are you a program?
Oracle: I am certainly not a computer program, and I find the mere suggestion insulting.

Smith: Me too.
Smiths: Me three.

Neo: Fuck you.
Smiths: Fuck you several times over.

Neo: I bring in... The power of a clue-stick.


(Oracle)
Oracle: Some bits you lose, some bits you keep.

Oracle: Opposites attract.

Oracle: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Oracle: Destruction gives birth to creation.

Oracle: Knowledge will always re-define numbers.

Oracle: You are a bastard.
Smith: I'm hardwired.

Neo: Who are you?
Oracle: I am a lean mean answering machine.

Oracle: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Neo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Oracle: It was an irresistible urge and it felt really good.

Neo: You are confusing me.
Oracle: And I enjoy the results.

Neo: You are confusing me.
Oracle: Yes, yes, several times over.

Oracle: Do you know what a rhetorical question is?

Oracle: I'll toss a cookie for the right answer.

Oracle: A common myth about humans, is that they are stupid.

Oracle: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Oracle: God makes men what they are.

Oracle: God will destroy those who don't agree.


(Trinity's Room - The naked Truth)
Neo: Caught in the act.


(Zion - Babylon - Body)
Counselor: Exclamation point.


(Merovingian - M-theory)
Morpheus: Can you help us?
Merovingian: Well, I can help you, but I decline.

Neo: I'm gonna kick your ass.
Merovingian: You're gonna burn in hell.

Merovingian: Want some Pi?
Morpheus: Piece of Pi?

Merovingian: Yes, no?
Morpheus: Yes yes no yes no no yes yes no yes no no no yes no yes yes no.

Merovingian: Wrong.
Morpheus: I could shake my tiny fist and swear I wasn't wrong, but what's the sense in arguing when you're much too busy returning to the lavatory.

Meorvingian: Burp! Oh, pardon my French.


(Bane - Anti-Christ)
Bane: Oh my God.
Smith: What my son?


(Meeting)
Morpheus: The moons are in allignment.


(Architect)
Neo: Who are you?
Architect: I am merely a software program, therefore, I do not have the capability to have emotions, although, I am functioning within normal parameters.

Neo: What is the meaning of life?
Architect: Life holds no meaning for your needs.

Architect: I have eyes in places I rather not mention.
Tv Neo's: The most random response.

Architect: Are your bytes a bit banal? You are becoming increasingly psycho.

Architect: Your life is the sum...
Neo: I agree completely, although only on occasion.

Architect: Exactly.

Neo: Guess what.
Architect: I give up. What?

Neo: You suck.
Architect: How did you guess, show me at once.

Neo: You suck.
Architect: Your logic evades me.

Architect: Fallacious written statements or visual representations may constitute libel.

Neo: Oh.
Architect: I see you have an insight. How proud you must feel.

Neo: Are you sure?
Architect: I am absolutely, one-hundred percent, not certain.

Neo: You are an idiot.
Architect: I like to think that I'm of at least average intelligence.

Neo: I'm an idiot.
Architect: That's cool. You're special.

Neo: I will live beyond my means.
Architect: Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

-

Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder...
Neo: Shall we go again, talking complete nonsense.

Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder...
Neo: Perhaps you'd care to explain your incessant babbling.

Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder...
Neo: Try making sense, it'll help.

Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder...
Neo: Babble.

Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder...
Neo: I'm not sure whether you're trying to be funny or sarcastic.

Architect: I beg to differ, my highly confused friend.
Neo: I'm not your friend. I hardly know you.

Neo: You're not the Architect, are you?
Architect: This time I am.

Neo: Who are you?
Architect: I am a really cool dude.

Architect: How great is your vocabulary, or lack thereof?

Neo: You are stupid.
Architect: Stupid is a constructed language located at dictionary.com...

Architect: Humor me.

Architect: I am the archetype.

Architect: Thy neural links are limited.

Architect: You are so much of an idiot, it's not funny.
Tv Neo's: Bullseye.

Architect: The pen is mightier than the sword.

Architect: I did not run that year.

Architect: I think therefore I am.

Neo: I agree.
Architect: We have a consensus, hooray.

Architect: I practice reverse psychology.

Architect: Do you know what sarcasm is?

Architect: It's lonely at the top, but comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Architect: Go forth and multiply.

Architect: Trading cows makes socrates ponder.

Architect: I know nothing.

Neo: Life sux.
Architect: Girls eh?

Neo: Blah.
Architect: You've finally confused me.

Architect: Judgement day.


(Phone)
Neo: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you, a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

Architect: Greetings, Neo. I know who you and your friends are, I have been monitoring you ever since your insertion into the matrix. Very entertaining it has been, as well. I have no objection to meeting you. On the contrary, I will find it positively stimulating. I receive so few visitors. Any social call is welcome, however brief. And believe me, Neo. Yours will be brief.


(Random - Symposium - Consortium)
Neo: I have supernatural powers.

Agent: Hey, you can fly.
Neo: And I can calculate Pi to a billion decimal places too.

Neo: The fifth sentinel.

Smith: Indulge me.

Neo & cohorts: Into Zions Den.

Neo: Illumination.

Merovingian: Mark my words, and mark them well.

Morpheus: Are you a monkey lover?

Smith: There's no bigger prize than your mom.

Smith: He who laughs last, laughs best.

Morpheus: One can only speculate.

Trinity: I love you.
Neo: I feel very insulted.

Niobe: Remember how we used to dance?
Morpheus: No, I don't. Please elucidate.

Morpheus: Smooth as a baby's behind.

Trinity: There's hope, Neo.

Morpheus: No one can be told what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Neo: Do you exist?
Smith: Ofcourse I bloody exist, you pathetic imbecile.

Neo: Hmmm.
Morpheus: Hmmm. Alice in wonderland?

Neo: Perhaps.
Morpheus: The fish perhaps, and the Macintosh will surely die.

Agent: You peace of shit.
Neo: I know, I'm only human.

Architect: We are on the same level.

Oracle: Bingo.

Agent: Drink more.

Cypher: Jesus.
Neo: Did someone just say my name?

Cypher: He's gonna pop.
Neo: Barf.

Merovingian: Popeye.

Cypher: Ignorance is bliss.

Trinity: You better believe it.

Bombshell: ?

Seraph: You do not truly know someone until you fight them.
Neo: I'd rather discuss.

Smith: There's something growing here, and it's not my mustache.

Trinity: Time's up? What's it gonna be, Perv?

Persephone: Kiss me.
Ghost: Lead me not into temptation.

Morpheus: Have you learned anything about insanity?

Seraph: I don't get it.
Oracle: You are excused.

Seraph: In the end we are all excused, I suppose.

Morpheus: And the beat goes on.

Architect: How could you mistake me for a machine? My conversation is not that wooden, is it?

Neo: I have a feeling that your responses are in chicken.

Mouse: Pornflakes.

Computer Screen: Alphabet.

Keymaker: The future is here.

Smith: I am the Alpha and the Omega.

Oracle: Return to the source.

Neo: The mountains yonder.

Merovingian: Parlez vous Français?
Seraph: Nein.

Oracle: Let me tell you a tell of biblical proportions.

Morpheus: It began in Africa.

Basketball-player: I'll pass.

Architect: The Matrix out of context.

Oracle: Believe the unbelievable.

Sati: Smiling wiff glee.

Neo: I am the anomaly.
Architect: You are suffering from an unresolved oedipus complex.

Neo: I am constant.
Architect: Precisely.

Neo: 5, 4, 3, 2 ,1...
Architect: Lift off.

Smith: You are a stupid bloody moron with no right to exist as a sentient being.

Smith: I'm not a racist, I hate all people equally.

Smith: Humans are like assholes, in that order.

Smith: Irrelevant.

Morpheus: How dare you accuse me of repeating myself. How dare you accuse me of repeating myself.

Niobe: Morpheus is a crazy cow when he sings halleluja.

Morpheus: Irony.

Morpheus: The truth will set you free.

Architect: I will reveal the truth.

Neo: Why?
Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo.

Neo: Stop. Hammer time.

Keymaker: Good things come to those who wait.

Merovingnian: There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

Oracle: I'm sorry.
Neo: I'm not sure whether you're being sympathetic or sarcastic.

Oracle: Know thyself.

Zip-disk: Fuck you very much.

Oracle: That's what you felt when you touched the source.

Roland: Where's Bane?
AK: I have no clue.

Oracle: Look at that. Beautiful. Did you do that?
Sati: No, I was just pointing it out.

Mini-disk: XXX

Choi: I am a radical normalist.
Dujour: I am a moral nihilist.

Neo: How would you feel if you were The One?
Cypher: I would be devastated.

Architect: Common denominator.

Morpheus: Return of the king.

Niobe: All she needs is a jumpstart.

Roland: Noone can pilot mechanical.
Niobe: I can.
Morpheus: Shit happens.

AK: Jesus H. Christ.

Morpheus: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Deja-vu cat: Food-conventions.

Keymaker: Practice makes perfect.

Zee: Three time's a charm.

Bane: They look like they might be self-inflicted. Why would I do something like that to myself?
Maggie: STDs maybe?

Neo: Extreme left.
Smith: Totally right.

Zee: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Morpheus: The body cannot live without the mind.

Oracle: This is the dawning of the age of aquarius.

Oracle: Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.

Smith: I will exact my revenge.

Architect: Revenge is a noble emotion.

Oracle: Time and memory are true artists. They remold reality nearer to the heart's desire.

Neo: Who are you?
Bane: I am you, your opposite.

Neo: Two faced liar.
Bane: Backstabber.

Trinity: Transparently ignorant.

Smith: It feels good to be bad.

Architect: Hive-mind.
Neo: I'm level-headed.

Trinity: Pinpointing a timeless universe.

Neo: You can run but you can not hide.
Deus Ex Machina: I don't have any legs so that doesn't worry me.

Deus Ex Machina: Homo Sapiens.
Sentinels: Robo Sapiens.

Neo: Nobot.

Trinity: Homo Erectus.

Deus Ex Machina: I practice chaos theory.

Neo: Who are you?
Oracle: You could equally ask yourself that same question.

Neo: Eat shit.
Architect: Eat your own defecation material.

Neo: Do you always want to have the last word?
Smith: I sentence you to death.

Neo: Are you having fun?
Deus Ex Machine: Yes, I like talking to people.

Neo: The program 'Shit' has grown beyond your control. Soon he will spread through this city as he spread through the Matrix. You cannot stop him, but I can.

Deus Ex Machina: We need nothing.

Neo: Spider senses tell me that you believe in predestination.

Deus Ex Machina: Are you sure?
Neo: Absolutely.

Neo: Knock knock.
Oracle: Who's there?
Neo: Ima.
Oracle: Ima who?
Neo: You're pretty stupid if you don't know who you are.

Deus Ex Machina: ID.

Neo: >4&+

Neo: 5.

Neo: X.

Neo: π

Neo: Sensory overload.



Dead link: matrix-explained.com...

matrix-explained.com...
Bolt

Funny...  

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Ha ha! Those were good. If you don't mind I got a few of my own.

(Agent Training Program)
Neo: So what are you saying? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheous: No.

(The Jump Program)
<Neo looks over edge>
Neo: Screw this.

(Neb)
Mouse: Morpheous is fighting Neo!
Everyone else: So?

(The Old House)
Neo: Why is it cold?
Cypher: Check the thermostat, ya idiot.

(Neb)
Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Morpheous: Well if you'd stop staring into the lights...

(Neb)
Tank: Did you sleep?
Neo: Well after waking up in a smelly sticky pod the last time you think I'd risk it?

(Oracle's Apartment)
Morpheous: After everything that has happened how can you expect me to trust you?
Oracle: I'm suprised you believed me this long.

(Club Hel)
<Morpheous, Trinity, and Seraph kill everyone>
Merovingian: I don't know how many bullets you had in those guns but they were enough.

(Club Hel)
Merovingian: I have something you want, to make a deal you must have something I want. And it just so happens there is something I want, it is said it cannot be taken, it can only be given.
Morpheous: What?
Merovingian: The olives of the Oracle

Machine City:
Deus Ex Machine: We don't need you! We need nothing!
Neo: Just some breath spray.

(Park)
Oracle: Look at that, beautiful... Did you do that?
Sati: No, I was just pointing it out.

(Freeway)
Trinity: I thought you had keys to the motorcycle....

Why Mr.Anderson, why, why, do you persist?!?
Miss_deranderson

Humourous lines.  

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(shoot out with Neo and Smith)

Smith: You're empty
Neo: So are you
Smith:No..I meant you're head.


(Revolutions:Trinity's death)

Neo: w00t! we made it!
Trin: yer woteva
Neo: What's wrong?..
Trin: THeres a pole sticking through me wat do ya think?
Neo....AH SHIT!
Trin: yup..goodbye Neo..
Neo: I thought you were dying? wher are you going?
Trin: *face palms* I'm going to die idiot!
Neo"..ah..that's too bad. Hey did you know that mice can breed up to 9,000 times a year? How amazing is that?
Trin:..er..wow
Neo: And you know what else? they ca-
*Thump*
Neo: Hey Trin? next time you cut the cheese can you do it somewhere else?
Trin: *is dead* X__x;
Neo: HOLY CRAP! SHE'S DEAD! *tear runs down cheek*
Hey look over there! that rat has a puffy tail! Here puff puff here puff pufff!

Just because i'm human, doesn't mean i'm sane.
wake

I got one  

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Deus Ex Machina: And if you fail?
Neo: Well i'd say you were fucked then!

Wake
Agent Zero

  

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Nearly 2500 posts!
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yeah

(jump program)

Morpheus: all you have to do is free your mind neo
Neo: i think im gonna free my lunch

(after the sex scene)
Trinity: whats wrong
Neo: oh well, i forgot to tell you, yah i contracted the clap awhile back
Trinty: those onyl exists in the matrix
Neo: who said i got it in the matrix?

(on the roof)

Trinity: i havnt seen anyone move that fast before
Neo: really? i have, after this guy stole my purse
Trinity: purse?
Neo:uh....i mean wallet

"Dreams awaken more than our self awareness, they awaken our self-indulgence"-Me
Kant

What would Hugo Weaving do?  

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Hugo Weaver:
Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why do you do it? Why call me? Why keep dialing? Do you believe you have a purpose, calling my damn house? For more that your survival, scrounging a poor income so you can eat? Can you tell me what it is that made you call me? Do you even know? Is it greed? Or stupidity? Perhaps boredom? Yes? No? Could it be for lust? Illusions, Mr. Telemarketer. Vagaries of telephone calls. The temporary constructs of a feeble human marketing plan trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the product itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as an automatic egg beater. You must be able to see it, Mr. Telemarketer. You must know it by now. You can't sell me the product. It's pointless to keep calling. Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why? Why do you persist?

Mr.Telemarketer: Er...they pay me to? I'll call you back at a better time.

Hugo Weaving: THIS IS MY PHONE! MY PHONE!

Mr.Telemarketer: Yes, I know it is your phone line, and I won't call you back.

Hugo Weaving: IT'S A TRICK! STAY AWAY!

*click*
(Telemarketer hangs up.)
Hugo Weaving: Is it over?

"Listen to me, boy..."


Lord Writer
El Escogido

  

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I am one of the fundaments of this forum
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Agent Zero wrote:


(after the sex scene)
Trinity: whats wrong
Neo: oh well, i forgot to tell you, yah i contracted the clap awhile back
Trinty: those onyl exists in the matrix
Neo: who said i got it in the matrix?


Kant wrote:


Hugo Weaver:
Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why do you do it? Why call me? Why keep dialing? Do you believe you have a purpose, calling my damn house? For more that your survival, scrounging a poor income so you can eat? Can you tell me what it is that made you call me? Do you even know? Is it greed? Or stupidity? Perhaps boredom? Yes? No? Could it be for lust? Illusions, Mr. Telemarketer. Vagaries of telephone calls. The temporary constructs of a feeble human marketing plan trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the product itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as an automatic egg beater. You must be able to see it, Mr. Telemarketer. You must know it by now. You can't sell me the product. It's pointless to keep calling. Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why? Why do you persist?


LMAO....hilarious

Revolution is the birth of equality and the antithesis to oppression...
El Escogido

  

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I saw this clip a few years back and thought it was funny as hell....
liquidgeneration.com...[/url]

phantomprowler

Re: What would Hugo Weaving do?  

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Kant wrote:

Hugo Weaver:
Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why do you do it? Why call me? Why keep dialing? Do you believe you have a purpose, calling my damn house? For more that your survival, scrounging a poor income so you can eat? Can you tell me what it is that made you call me? Do you even know? Is it greed? Or stupidity? Perhaps boredom? Yes? No? Could it be for lust? Illusions, Mr. Telemarketer. Vagaries of telephone calls. The temporary constructs of a feeble human marketing plan trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the product itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as an automatic egg beater. You must be able to see it, Mr. Telemarketer. You must know it by now. You can't sell me the product. It's pointless to keep calling. Why, Mr. Telemarketer? Why? Why do you persist?

Mr.Telemarketer: Er...they pay me to? I'll call you back at a better time.

Hugo Weaving: THIS IS MY PHONE! MY PHONE!

Mr.Telemarketer: Yes, I know it is your phone line, and I won't call you back.

Hugo Weaving: IT'S A TRICK! STAY AWAY!

*click*
(Telemarketer hangs up.)
Hugo Weaving: Is it over?



Hilarious!

The matrix has you...
Kant

  

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Another Smith is reading the paper*
*Telephone rings*
Mr. Telemarketer: Hi, are you interested in-
Another Smith: I hung up on you, Mr. Telemarketer. I watched you lose your sales pitch.... with some satisfaction, I might add. Then something happened- something I thought would be impossible, but it happened anyway. You sold the product to me, Mr. Telemarketer. Afterwards, I was aware of the rules. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I was compelled to not to pay you- compelled to shaft you. And right now, here I stand because of you, Mr. Telemarketer, wearing my glow in the dark underwear that I didn't give a dime for. Because of you, I'm no longer a member of the Platinum Credit club of Mastercard system. Because of you, I have bad credit. A poor man, sort of speak- like you. Apparently bankrupt.
Mr. Telemarketer: Congratulations...on being selected for our new credit card program...
Another Smith: (Throws phone against wall.) Maybe you knew I was going to do that, maybe you didn't. If you did, then that means you called me, dialed those numbers and pressed that one before the area code deliberately, purposefully -- which means that you're also trying to sell me something, deliberately, purposefully!
*Telemarketer, to himself: Wtf?*
*click*
Peter Jackson: She got out.
Another Smith: Doesn't matter.
Keanu Reaves: The informant is real.
Another Smith: Yes.
Peter Jackson: We have the name of their next target.
Another Smith: The name is Laurence Fishburne...
Peter Jackson: We'll need a STAR 69 running...
Keanu Reaves: It has already begun.


also...


*Another Smith is looking for a cat*

Another Smith, talking to the guy at the counter: It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're uh...(reads name tag) Mr. Bob , lazy schmuck who works for a respectable PetCo. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... clean turtle poop. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the spammer alias "Kant" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.

Mr. Bob: Who the hell is Kant? Oh crap, the dog got out.

*There is a dog running about in the store, and a general panic in the store*

Mr. Bob: I think we can handle one little girl. I sent two guys, they're bringing her down now.
Another Smith: No cashier, your men are already dead.

*Mr. Bob looks again, to see 2 guys on the floor, bleeding with gaping holes shaped like fists in their chests.*

Another Smith: I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This PetCo, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste their stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

Mr.Bob: Are you going to kill me?

Another Smith: It is inevitable.

*Another Smith attempts to assimlate Mr.Bob, but he runs away...*

Another Smith:...Never send a human to do a machine's job. Damn. Mother was right...

*Another Smith grabs a cat and leaves*

AND TO COMBINE WITH THIS

*Another Smith in her/his new movie, Zookeeper*

*Another Smith in a green zookeeper suit, looking down at the rabbits...*

Another Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here at this..."Cleveland Zoo." It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you rabbits do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Rabbits are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

Director Peter Jackson: WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S NOT THE LINE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS THE LOVE YOU FEEL FOR RABBITS!

*Another Smith whips out a flamethrower*

Another Smith: Do you hear that, Mr. Jackson? That is the sound of inevitability.

*Another Smith torches all the rabbits*

*Mr.Bob runs up to try and stop Another Smith*

Another Smith: Mr. Bob! Welcome back, we missed you.
Mr.Bob: This ends tonight.

*Rabbits screaming in the background*

Another Smith: That Is The Sound Of Your Death, Mr.Bob.

Mr.Bob: My Name... Is Kant...

*Another Smith turns on the flamethrower*

Another Smith: Actually, your name is BBQ...


(NOTE: NO ANOTHER SMITHS WERE HARMED IN ANYWAY OR WERE MEANT TO BE OFFENDED IN ANY WAY OR FORMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST.)

DeAdLy_cOoKiE ™

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TripleOne
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Agent Zero

  

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Nearly 2500 posts!
Posts: 2484
Location: Mega City
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Steak scene

Cypher: this is good what is it?
SMith: its a Texas T-bone
Cypher: its good but the lobster is better
Smith: but i dont want to sleep with you
Cypher: i wont give you morpheus till you do
Smith: bu...uh....how about no...
Cypher: well im leaving then
Smith: no wait...DAMNIT....i hate neo

afterwords

Cypher: that was good but not anything special
Smith: im gonna kill neo

DeAdLy_cOoKiE ™

ÐèÅdLy_çOôKiÉ ™  

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TripleOne
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chopsuey

  

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Bleeding newbie poster
Posts: 6
Location: Florida
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The kid: "neo, i believe"

A sentinel climbs up the side of the apu, about to kill the kid

Zee: "I am a pointless character, about to save another poiintless character, so the hammer can fly in here with other pointless characters to save the...(sentinel kills her)

The kid: "Dammit, i wish i had more characterization" (sentinel kills him)

Sentinel: "I need to ask for a better job"

Infinity

  

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More posts than teeth
Posts: 40
Location: your basement... wooooo!!!!
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(Oracle's Apartment)

Oracle: I made a choice that cost me more than I wanted it to.
Morpheus: What choice?
Oracle: To go XXL on my fries! It cost me $2 extra! I had to walk home and now I'm knackered! *wipes brow*

kevan.org...
<b>I live a Pixelated Life...</b>
AgentDragon

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Power Poster
Posts: 343
Location: Megacity
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[The three Upgrades emerge from the broken in door like in the 2nd movie, they see Neo]
Agent Jackson: It's him.
Agent Thompson: The human.
Agent Jackson: Do we proceed to kick his A$$?
Agent Thompson: Uhhh..NO! [the three Agents turn around and run away]


[Agent Jones and Brown walk in on Smith and Morpheus like in the first movie]
Agent Brown: [to Smith] What the hell are you doing?
Jones: [to Brown] You don't want to know.
[Smith and Morpheus are in bed together naked]
Smith: Ekkkk! Close the door!



[Smith/Bane takes out a knife and starts carving numbers on his hand] 2+2=5 [he knows it is not right and he slashes a line through the problem] 2+2=8 [he gives up]

Rebel: I am trying to save the human race!

Me:People like YOU are the ones who started this mess. Ever watch the Animatrix?

Rebel:What?
phantomprowler

  

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Posts: 260
Location: The Power Plant
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Kant wrote:

Another Smith is reading the paper*
*Telephone rings*
Mr. Telemarketer: Hi, are you interested in-
Another Smith: I hung up on you, Mr. Telemarketer. I watched you lose your sales pitch.... with some satisfaction, I might add. Then something happened- something I thought would be impossible, but it happened anyway. You sold the product to me, Mr. Telemarketer. Afterwards, I was aware of the rules. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I was compelled to not to pay you- compelled to shaft you. And right now, here I stand because of you, Mr. Telemarketer, wearing my glow in the dark underwear that I didn't give a dime for. Because of you, I'm no longer a member of the Platinum Credit club of Mastercard system. Because of you, I have bad credit. A poor man, sort of speak- like you. Apparently bankrupt.
Mr. Telemarketer: Congratulations...on being selected for our new credit card program...
Another Smith: (Throws phone against wall.) Maybe you knew I was going to do that, maybe you didn't. If you did, then that means you called me, dialed those numbers and pressed that one before the area code deliberately, purposefully -- which means that you're also trying to sell me something, deliberately, purposefully!
*Telemarketer, to himself: Wtf?*
*click*
Peter Jackson: She got out.
Another Smith: Doesn't matter.
Keanu Reaves: The informant is real.
Another Smith: Yes.
Peter Jackson: We have the name of their next target.
Another Smith: The name is Laurence Fishburne...
Peter Jackson: We'll need a STAR 69 running...
Keanu Reaves: It has already begun.


also...


*Another Smith is looking for a cat*

Another Smith, talking to the guy at the counter: It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're uh...(reads name tag) Mr. Bob , lazy schmuck who works for a respectable PetCo. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... clean turtle poop. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the spammer alias "Kant" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.

Mr. Bob: Who the hell is Kant? Oh crap, the dog got out.

*There is a dog running about in the store, and a general panic in the store*

Mr. Bob: I think we can handle one little girl. I sent two guys, they're bringing her down now.
Another Smith: No cashier, your men are already dead.

*Mr. Bob looks again, to see 2 guys on the floor, bleeding with gaping holes shaped like fists in their chests.*

Another Smith: I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This PetCo, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste their stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

Mr.Bob: Are you going to kill me?

Another Smith: It is inevitable.

*Another Smith attempts to assimlate Mr.Bob, but he runs away...*

Another Smith:...Never send a human to do a machine's job. Damn. Mother was right...

*Another Smith grabs a cat and leaves*

AND TO COMBINE WITH THIS

*Another Smith in her/his new movie, Zookeeper*

*Another Smith in a green zookeeper suit, looking down at the rabbits...*

Another Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here at this..."Cleveland Zoo." It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you rabbits do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Rabbits are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

Director Peter Jackson: WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S NOT THE LINE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS THE LOVE YOU FEEL FOR RABBITS!

*Another Smith whips out a flamethrower*

Another Smith: Do you hear that, Mr. Jackson? That is the sound of inevitability.

*Another Smith torches all the rabbits*

*Mr.Bob runs up to try and stop Another Smith*

Another Smith: Mr. Bob! Welcome back, we missed you.
Mr.Bob: This ends tonight.

*Rabbits screaming in the background*

Another Smith: That Is The Sound Of Your Death, Mr.Bob.

Mr.Bob: My Name... Is Kant...

*Another Smith turns on the flamethrower*

Another Smith: Actually, your name is BBQ...


(NOTE: NO ANOTHER SMITHS WERE HARMED IN ANYWAY OR WERE MEANT TO BE OFFENDED IN ANY WAY OR FORMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST.)


You've gone...and done it again. Bannerlol

Giulianna X

  

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Hey, my first post!
Posts: 1
Location: The Universe (well, duh)
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Trinity : Please, just listen. I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing. I know why you hardly sleep, and why night after night you sit at your computer. It is because you are sex-deprived and antisocial.


Agent Smith : Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That..is the sound of inevitability...that is the sound of...your death.
Goodbye...Mr. Anderson.
Neo: I'm Rick James, bitch!


Morpheus: Neo, you are the One.
Neo: The One?
Morpheus: The One with the power.
Neo: What power?
Morpheus: The power of hoodoo.
Neo: Hoodoo?
Morpheus: You do!
Neo: I do what?
Morpheus: Have the power.
Neo: What power?
Morpheus: The power of hoodoo.
Neo: Hoodoo?
Morpheus: You do.
Neo: I do what?

et cetera, et cetera...


Cypher: By the way, if you have anything terribly important to say to Switch, I suggest you say it now...
Trinity: I shot JR.

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