»The Third Transition«

I started this a while ago and haven't finished yet. My plan is to write a short story and eventually make it into a novel.

Basically the storyline is this kid finds out the world is different then he had ever imagined, and to experience life to the fullest he has to go through 3 transitions: Belief, Understanding, and finally Commitment.
(kind of matrix-ish, but really it's different)

Anyway here's the beginning of it.

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A single tear means more, at times, than an overwhelming collapse in emotion. A strong will holding back years of lost hope can lead to anybody’s breakdown, and to have the pride to show your feelings can be a hard process for some people. The way he sees it, there are two sides to a person; the side you show to others and the side you selfishly keep enclosed within. When talking to strangers or talking to friends, talking to family or speaking aloud in general you show off a certain aspect of yourself and your general ‘ness’. Your words and your feelings are controlled however you decide to control them, but are somewhat censored to any one else. The most confident of men fear over rejection, but will never speak a word in fear of feeling insuperior. But as we look at your other side we see a different story. Questions unanswered, problems unsolved, situations remembered for reasons unexplained. This is the storage centre for any and everything you are too ashamed for whatever reason to expose. Beware though, the inner self has a limit, and you can only hold things in for so long. Such situations as loss and disappointment need to be released, and if they are kept in storage for too long the hinges will creak and the door will fly open, and all you wished to be kept inside is now public news. You may think this to be a negative thing, and in most cases he would have to agree. But I assure you it’s best in the long run. Communication is the key to prevention, and prevention is necessary if you wish to remain sane. Those small moments where things go wrong and you can’t understand the reasoning need to be conversed among others. When moments are spoken that were kept in storage, space clears up and the doors are more secure. Humans have language for a reason.
He knows all this, yet he still cannot understand. It seems that he is the only one having problems with his hinges. He is the only one with problems. He has never heard anyone else speak of their negative memories or emotional losses, yet they all seem so together. Is he the only one in such a situation? Is there an extra storage locker assigned in his name that he wasn’t informed of? The past years behind him weigh heavy on all he knows. All building to construct the disaster that was nine days prior. And now he stands, suit and tie and pressed black pants. His freshly shined shoes now inked in brown dirt as he stands just inches from a freshly dug grave. His head lowered, he can’t force himself to look up, he just can’t watch. But he can hear the air being pushed up out of the hole, as a wood frame and a flesh filling fall in to fill the void. His biological guardians have lost the gift of breath. He doesn’t need to see them leave the outer earth, he doesn’t need to see the casket go any further down. He knows what is happening, and even that knowledge is too much for him. His hearing slowly fades in again, and he listens close to the final words of the minister and walks with the rest inside to a celebration of the life more than mourning of the loss; in theory of course. Small talk is all he hears not even a mention of the lives now lost.

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I'd love to hear what you think...

This is going to hit a note with many people here...

I read this with interest and I will say again, I'm really impressed.
You have captured the human condition very well in your writing...bloody well done, mate

I was jus thinking of writing a parody but after i read this gotta come with some useful and deep material, thanks man, very consistent in the value of ur stories, very original

Yes very good indeed. I can feel the emotion and passion in the story. You do a good job. I think people will like it.

thanks alot

when i finish it i'll post it all

Keep-up the good work man...

I loved it and I'm looking forward to reading more of your very thought-provoking work

very bloody good indeed..